I have met many teachers in my life , I have been to seminars and workshops, during which I learned about myself. I learned how to work with emotions, harmonize our energies, open our heart, and in general: how to balance the body with mind and spirit. Needless to say, I read many books to find the answers to questions that are unanswered. Like many of us that are looking for a deeper meaning in life there had always been something that has kept me wondering. However on the other side I thought that I already know everything. I thought that the only thing that had to be done was to put in to practice the theories that I knew. Life never seemed to be just like I wanted it to be. Old problems would reappear in different circumstances. Some people say that this is normal, sometimes you go uphill and sometimes downhill. However I know that we alone create our existence. We are responsible for everything we come in contact with because heaven is here.

Theoretically, everything seems obvious and simple, but everyday life is pitiless and shows all the things that are lacking - from relationships to problems with our careers. One day I was invited to the lecture by Aleksander Deyev. Never before had I heard of him, but I decided that I will go. And here, the first surprise: a handsome and witty guy, however completely normal looking, all too ordinary. He looked more the lecturer of map techniques, marketing, English, or something equally mundane. I admit that I doubted some of his knowledge and skills as a spiritual teacher. He could have been at least a little weird, eccentric, seriously! Fortunately, it turned out that I was very wrong, but more on that later. At the beginning so I had to revise my views about the spiritual teacher, which proved to be rusty stereotypes. My seven year daughter repeats often: "Do not judge a book by its cover."

The lecture was about the soul, which Aleksander referred to as a real being who thinks, feels, and can move without the knowledge of its "owner". It may even be able to move away somewhere far away to places that are defined, which can be "traced". Such situations occur very often, are the cause of many problems and manifest themselves in our behavior and approach to life. Of course, we can help ourselves with this. For example, we can balance our energies. All the ways were kind of familiar, but some fresh and interesting. What he was saying really sounded good, finally someone who was treating topics of the soul as something 'normal', or even necessary for life. He spoke without making it sound more complicated. He did not treat this knowledge as a mystery accessible only to selected people. For the first time I heard someone speaking about the soul in a more scientific than spiritual way, and that this knowledge is very specific.

Through specific examples I was becoming convinced that we are all being affected by this. Several times I had the impression that a problem was directed to me personally and I felt that it was being said just for me. But when I looked around the room, it turned out that others also were listening with rapt attention, or asking questions, because it also concerned them. It turned out that many of our problems are caused by a wounded soul broken into pieces. Until now I thought it was just a saying, this "wounded soul", or "my soul is crying," or even "enslaved soul." I thought of them as belonging to poetry. Meanwhile, according to Aleksander, these are real problems and the pain is real. What's more, they can be diagnosed and "cured". And here we come to the point: if you do not heal your soul and make contact with it, it still remains in a vicious cycle of unanswered questions, the same problems and diseases. This was a revelation! We need to recognize the fact that treatment of the body does nothing, if the mind is not healed, that it is the healing of the soul which provides the ultimate breakthrough.

Even if today this sounds like science fiction, in my opinion, I think this term can be classified with others of similar caliber such as "new earth", "fifth dimension", or "new era". Healing from a higher level may become the future of healing, universal and accessible to everyone. The knowledge that today is being shared with us by Aleksander, may be the first swallow of spring. The decision about whether to be a pioneer, trust and choose to change course, is individual which only we ourselves, in our own hearts can make.

I must admit that at this point, I still did not see the total value of these teachings. I decided to go to an individual session with this therapist. At this level of knowledge, Aleksander is himself a therapist with his own method. Although the words: therapy, therapist and healing, are not the most appropriate here, it is difficult to find more relevant terms these days. I wondered whether this knowledge could be applied in relation to me. I was not fully convinced, but curiosity and the need to change prevailed. The hardest for me was to admit the problem to myself, because till the last moment I continued to play the smiling woman satisfied with my life, full of laughter and jokes.  With my whole being I believed that everything was in order. The ego was nicely dressed and combed. The word "I played? is apt here, after all we play, we play roles as wives, husbands, bosses, victims, etc. When I was finally able to say what I had come for, that this was not a specific problem, but more out of a general interest, (when we do not feel the joy of life, we find it difficult to even identify a specific problem, we only know that one exists). There something happened which would have knocked me to the ground had I been standing, my heart stopped, and before my eyes I saw utter darkness. I heard the following terrible words: "You do not have a soul, it left you thirty years ago." Instantly I was overwhelmed by the feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, astonishment. How so? I think there has been some mistake? What was this man talking about?  Is he crazy?! What right does he have to tell me these things?! Me! I?m so alert, so well-read, so smart! How can he know this? But he did know. Later something happened this for me was a miracle, a second birth. I closed my eyes and under the dictation of the therapist I invited my soul back into myself, talking to it, making a place for it in my heart, feeling it at the same time physically in my body. I began to cry. My heart was hurting. It was a very real and difficult job. Previously, it had happened to me during visualization or meditation, working with my inner child, such moments are always moving. However, what I experienced was so profound and deeply shocking. Yes, "shock" is probably the most appropriate term. Everything took about 15-20 minutes. I was not able to mentally make sense of what happened, but I felt it clearly in my heart. As if a fear which had haunted me for an entire lifetime had suddenly left me, although I felt the enormity of the suffering that my soul had gone through. I had never thought about my soul this way before, but rather as an abstract and far away thing. I had lived as if pretending to do so. As an astute observer, I had learned to play the role of mother, wife, and journalist, resourceful and confident woman. It is as if I had lived next door, but was not happy. At this point I felt such deep happiness, which is impossible to describe, although the smile disappeared from my face.


I no longer had to nor wanted to pretend anything. I had become whole, and knew what this term meant above it?s literary reference because I was experiencing it (being whole) and continue to do so. It is a state of being as clear and definite as breathing. I was driving home and crying tears of real joy. As if after thirty years I found my beloved child, exhausted with hunger and fear. I knew that I must find the strength to protect this child and give it so much love that it would learn to trust me again. After the session I received some advice on how to take care of this child, which I had already known previously, but had now assumed new importance because this baby is really inside of me, I do not have to imagine it or visualize. It became clear that I have to take all decisions in accordance with my own soul, which clearly says what I want, and what I do not. This situation I like, or this one I do not like so take me away and I will never come back here again. I had regained my inner guide, which is never wrong, but only speaks so softly that one must listen very attentively in order to hear it. Through it I became careful, because I care very much about this inner voice more than that of any other person.

I understood now that the child in me deserved all the love in the world that no one else only me is able to bestow upon it. I will not longer allow myself to think things such as ?you?re not good enough?, and ?you?re not important?, or ?you have to earn love?. Every single day I gain more and more knowledge about myself. Everything else has become unimportant, but at the same time has taken on another meaning. The most important thing is that my life has regained it?s meaning, because I have once again found my precious inner child ? my soul. The rational mind would deny this having happened, fortunately, my new attitude to life knows beyond a doubt, that change has been made. How did it happen? In one moment the man who restored my soul does not claim to be a shaman or enlightened, and yet was able to do great things with ease and grace. I am grateful for the fact that he appeared in my life. I am grateful to life that gave me a second chance and I am grateful to my soul that it is with me.

Joanna Malinowska